I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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