forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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