Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize