it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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