they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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