I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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