I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
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turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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