And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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