He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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