Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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