There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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