Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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