I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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