so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize