I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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