She said her name was "party"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
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did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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