dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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