So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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