genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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