Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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