i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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