At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize