She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize