I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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