You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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