I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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