im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize