My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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