I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize