the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize