Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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