i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize