Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize