If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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