i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
be right there i have to get my cape
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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