cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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