Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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