You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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