I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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