Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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