im six kinds of drunk right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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