He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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