Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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