the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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