Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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