Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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