omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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