We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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