3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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