Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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